Challenge Entry #12: Work

It used to be an easy question to answer, even when I was working in fast food. Now fast food isn't exactly a job that will get you a lot of respect, even if you are in college. But it has a paycheck, you get promotions (ooh, another nickel an hour!), and you rarely put in more than 35-40 hours a week. You can say you work at a fast food joint, and people know you're flipping burgers or dealing with irate customers who think that because their grandma made pancakes for them after church, so you should too even though breakfast was over hours ago.

"But what exactly do you do all day???

But now that I'm a stay at home mom, I find it hard to answer. A fair number of people hear "stay at home" and assume my day must be like their dream day at home. They have time for beating their latest game, putting the finishing touches on a project, breaking for a gourmet lunch, then watching a movie before heading into DC to visit the latest exhibit. After they get back, they whip up another gourmet meal, before reading a thought provoking book. They never consider this is pretty much impossible with young children in the house.

I guess when I say "watch my son, and try not to let the house get too cluttered", it's a bit of a letdown, because invariably they have to ask again. "No, really, what do you do?" I guess I'm supposed to say that I watch Desperate Housewives all day while drinking margaritas. While I'm doing that, my wunderkind is busy filling out his applications for the elite preschool that guarantees him entrance to the Ivy League schools.

Or maybe I'm supposed to say that I spend all day playing educational games designed to help him become fluent in Spanish, Japanese, and Greek at the same time. After that, we work on finding new Mersenne Primes. We usually find a few before it's naptime. After nap time, we cook a fancy meal together and he reminds me which forks to use. Then we go to soccer practice, followed by piano and voice lessons. We come home and have a culture night, cooking the appropriate dishes and speaking the appropriate languages before he puts himself to bed. Then I quietly sneak in and turn on his cd of science facts to play softly while he sleeps. Quiz in the morning, of course.

But the truth is, my job isn't a glamourous one or nonstop funny, like the sitcoms would have you believe. Being the mother of a toddler is not glamourous, although it can be humourous. There are the nice moments, like when he managed to eat his mashed potatoes with a spoon, and more ended up in his mouth than his hair. And there are the bad moments, like when he figured out how to take off his pajamas and diaper to play wallpaper designer. But mostly it's normal, "boring" moments.

We work on different ways to play with things. "Yellow, that's a yellow ball" I might say too many times to count. Sometimes after I've spent 15 minutes making him food and cutting it up to a size he can handle, he'll sweep it off the table as if to say "It's all shit, Mama!". Other times he'll insist on spoonfeeding himself mashed potatoes, which keeps him busy for about 40 minutes or so, and I can get the dishes done.

Some days he craves independence so much that he will run away from me, even if I come bearing pineapple chunks. Other days, he stands on one of my feet and clings to my leg and none of his brightly colored toys can convince him to detach himself long enough for me to let Jack outside. He's a toddler, and doesn't know what he really wants most of the time and most of my day is spent dealing with that.

Oh, I can see I'm losing you with this description of what I really do. I know you probably liked the idea of the lush whose son still manages to be an overachiever inspite of it all. Or maybe you liked the overachiever mom, diligently stuffing her son's head full of knowledge at every opportunity. "Yup," you'd tell your coworkers, "that's a trainwreck waiting to happen."

My job is what it is, and having you ask me over and over what I really do isn't going to change that. So do yourself and the rest of us stay at home moms a favor - quit asking us what do we really do over and over just because our answer doesn't conform to your idea of a stay at home mom.

3 Comments

1. canyouswim — 2006, March 9 @ 7:45 am

   I _so_ much like the real description of what you do - I can almost actually see a real day, filled with little frustrations and triumphs. I think there are truely very few things we can do in life that actually make a difference, and being a good mother is one of them. You’re a a good mother - playing the lush or overachiever would be anything but.

2. canyouswim — 2006, March 9 @ 1:05 pm

   and, hey! you’re the first to finish the challenge!

3. Caitlin — 2006, March 10 @ 5:42 pm

   Thanks and woohoo!

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